The holidays bring out the worst in people.
It's supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year" but honestly yeah right. People turn into monsters.
What is it about this time of year that turns normal people into terrifying vessels of destruction?
And don't even get me started on Black Friday. I've worked retail on Black Friday. I never knew I could be filled with so much hate.
My sister and I had to go to the Grove, a very large shopping mall in Hollywood, to pick up boxes I ordered from The Container Store. I literally had no other choice, I tried to pick them up at a different store, but they were all sold out. I tried to pick them up in the morning, but the timing didn't work out. I tried to order them online, but that cost an extra $30 dollars and it will be a cold day in hell when I decide to pay that much money to ship flat cardboard boxes to my home.
So we braved the mall.
Conveniently there was some Dancing with the Stars finale rehearsal going on, so after we spent an eternity trying to find a parking space we had to swim through the throngs of people to get past the center of the mall. I'm being sarcastic about the convenience factor. I smelled and felt some things I didn't even know were possible.
Once we made it to The Container Store, it was very easy to pick up my boxes. Like it only took about 3 minutes because they had already set them aside.
But then we had to get back to my car. And that took a good 45 minutes and my sister and I seriously questioned the choices we had made to get to that point. As we were in the elevator my sister looked at me and said, "You need to write a blog post about how not to act in public."
This is for you Madeline.
How Not to Act in Public.
1. Don't skip your weekly shower.
2. Don't stop in the middle of a wildly populated area to take a selfie.
3. Don't look at me like that.
4. Don't touch butts that don't belong to you.
5. Don't touch your own butt. That's weird to do in public.
6. Don't aggressively push past old people.
7. Don't spill hot coffee on innocent bystanders.
8. Don't hit me with your shopping bags.
9. Don't make personal phone calls in a crowded elevator.
10. Don't make out with your significant other in an elevator.
11. Don't fart in an elevator.
12. Don't go into See's Candy just to get free samples.
13. Just kidding about See's Candy. If they didn't want you to do that they would stop giving out samples.
14. Don't drive slowly behind me as I'm walking to my car to see where I'm parked, so you can take my spot. When you follow me around like that it reminds me of my ex boyfriend and it's super creepy.
15. Don't ask where the celebrities are. They don't shop at this mall. Specifically because of you.
Okay. That's it. Was that helpful? You're all gross and I'm never leaving my house again.